You've used AI to write drafts. Asked it for outlines. Had it "generate content."
You've walked away underwhelmed. The output felt generic. Flat. Not quite you.
You've wondered if there's a better way to work with AI; one that doesn't lose your voice.
I discovered a better way while I was stuck in traffic on a Tennessee highway.
The Setup
The Sunday after Thanksgiving, I was driving to Franklin, Tennessee for a business conference. What should have been a 4.5-hour drive stretched to 6.5 hours. Traffic. Construction. The usual holiday chaos.
Years ago, I became a Certified Habit Coach through coach.me. I'd studied how environment shapes behavior more than willpower does; how context triggers matter more than motivation. The week before the drive, I'd had a coaching call where something clicked. I'd been helping a client protect time for deep work, and for the first time, I articulated what would become the core of what I now call the Sanctuary Strategy™️
The framework has three components, the Three W's:
When: What time slot works with your energy, not against it?
Where: What location removes friction and adds focus?
Who: What accountability relationship keeps you honest?
Clients rarely struggle with identifying the When. They know they need to block out time on their calendars for deep thinking. But they don't always recognize the importance of the Where. In Atomic Habits, James Clear writes: "Every habit is initiated by a cue, and we are more likely to notice cues that stand out. Unfortunately, the environments where we live and work often make it easy not to do certain actions because there is no obvious cue to trigger the behavior."
I've had accountability partners and coaches for decades. And I had been teaching the When and Where cues for a while. But it wasn't until I read Gary Keller's The One Thing that I realized the importance of identifying the Who:
"An accountability partner provides frank, objective feedback on your performance, creates an ongoing expectation for productive progress, and can provide critical brainstorming or even expertise when needed. As for me, a coach or a mentor is the best choice for an accountability partner. Although a peer or a friend can absolutely help you see things you may not see, ongoing accountability is best provided by someone to whom you agree to be truly accountable. When that's the nature of the relationship, the best results occur."
Simple enough. I got in the car thinking I'd capture it as a short newsletter article.
I didn't get a newsletter article. I got something far more valuable.
Have you ever had a simple idea turn into something bigger than you expected?
The Question That Changed Everything
I'd been listening to a podcast by Max Bernstein on cognitive fingerprints and expertise extraction. During that episode, he mentioned a deceptively simple prompt. I'm paraphrasing here, but the essence was this:
"What questions would you like to ask me?"
Instead of telling AI what to write, you invite it to interview you.
I'd done enough work with my protected time framework over a few years of coaching to recognize that the Sanctuary Strategy might be more than a newsletter article. Maybe an ebook. Maybe an e-course. In the past, I would have said: "Draft me an ebook outline based on this content."
Instead, I tried Max's question.
"I'm thinking about writing an ebook or e-course. I think I have enough material. What questions would you ask me to determine whether there's enough here?"
And AI started asking.
The Voice Difference
Here's what I didn't anticipate: I was driving. I couldn't type. So I used voice mode.
That changed the dynamic.
The material had originated in a coaching conversation; me talking through a framework with a client. Now I was talking through that same framework with AI. The dynamic was familiar. The voice matched the origin.
I wasn't shifting into "writer mode" at my computer, composing careful sentences. I was staying in "coach mode," answering questions the way I do when my human coaches ask me. AI became the other person in the room.
When's the last time you stayed in your natural mode (coach, teacher, leader) while working with a tool?
The first question led to a second. The second to a third. Each one went deeper than I expected.
The Question That Surfaced Everything
Somewhere around question eight or nine, AI asked something that stopped me:
"What excuses do clients give when they don't follow through on their protected time?"
I rattled off the usual suspects. Too busy. Emergency at work. Something came up.
Then AI followed up:
"What are the real reasons, do you think? Not what they say, but what might be underneath. Something unconscious or imperceptible to them, but visible to you as a coach."
I knew immediately.
After years of coaching leaders through this exact pattern, I'd seen three root causes show up again and again:
The Selfishness Narrative: "I can't take time for myself when others need me." The belief that self-care is selfish. That disappearing, even for two hours, means abandoning people who depend on you.
The Addiction to Urgency: The dopamine hit of constant problem-solving. Some leaders don't know who they are without a fire to fight. Stillness feels like failure.
The Fear of the Quiet: If I slow down, I'll have to face uncomfortable things. The noise isn't just distraction; it's protection.
I'd known these patterns for years. I'd never named them out loud.
